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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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