3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Do you still have your period?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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