The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
