It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
