PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
