I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
