Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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