Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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