I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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