I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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