Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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