My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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