I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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