Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize