I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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