I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Randomize