Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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