I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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