Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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