He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I didn't notice because vodka
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
