Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
