Just fell off a train. Bad.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
