I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
