Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
