And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
