those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
