Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
