Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
