dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
