pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
