How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
