The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize