so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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