sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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