i was born a porn star she said
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
