Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
