Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
