I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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