shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
