I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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