yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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