why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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