3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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