New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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