Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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