So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
