I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
