You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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