My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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