Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
