so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
