I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
