ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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