I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize