You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
