So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
