There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
