Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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