Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize