We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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