Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
