so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
