Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
