Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
