I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
