I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
